What if I fail?
Following on from last week's blog on how to set goals (read here), this week I want to talk about what happens when we don’t reach our goals.
Personally, I was never a goal-setter. I guess the only goal I really set was when I was 12 and decided I wanted to be a lawyer like Ally McBeal. That then mapped out the next few years of my life and I knew which GCSE’s and A-Levels to do so that I could then go on to University for my Law degree. But after I completed my law degree I was left with that feeling of “now what?” I knew what I didn’t want to do, but not what I did want. Feelings that I’m sure a lot of people experience.
The next time I started setting goals was when I started with FitGirls. This is an online health and fitness community based on Instagram. After I started running with a friend I decided I needed to do something about my eating habits and joined FitGirls. I got the 28-day Jumpstart which included a 28-day meal plan and exercise program. I was encouraged to share my journey on Instagram and set goals for the 4 weeks.
Looking back, my goals here were ridiculous. “Drink 2000ml of water every day” when all I drank was water. Done. “Workout or run every day” was another easily achievable one as I was still full of that excitement and motivation we get at the start of something new. I refused to set a weight loss goal as I had no idea how much weight I would lose each week or month and didn’t want to set a goal I didn’t know I could achieve.
I’m going to share an extract from a poem, the end of which you might recognise and which is often misquoted as “What if I fail?”;
“There is freedom waiting for you,
On the breezes of the sky,
And you ask “What if I fall?”
Oh but my darling, What if you fly?”
Let’s be honest here, it is that fear of failure that stops people from setting goals. We are so worried about what other people will think, that we will make a fool of ourselves and feel embarrassed and ashamed that we didn’t reach our goal. Especially if we were brave enough to publicly share that goal in the first place!!
So what if you do fail? What happens then? What is the worst thing that could happen if you don’t reach your goal? Will you die? I’m guessing not. Will you feel disappointed or frustrated with yourself? Probably, but will that feeling last? No. Will you learn something? I hope so.
It is through setting goals and not reaching them that we learn. And this is something that I teach in line with the Third Quarter Moon. What did you try that worked really well? What did you try that was an absolute flop? Why? How can you do it differently next time?
The thing about failing is that it’s not the end. Even in a computer game where you fail a level by dying, you get to have another go. You get to try a different route and improve your skill until you do pass that level.
We are generally taught that life is linear. There is this end goal that we must reach in order to be successful. But life isn’t linear, it’s cyclical. When we get to Sunday, does the world end? No, it starts again with Monday. We go around in circles and repeating patterns.
So what do you do if you fail to reach your goal? The way I see it, you have two options. Give up or try again. And if you try again then you haven’t really failed. And if you do what to give up, I want you to ask yourself something first. Is this something that you still want? Because if it is, then why are you giving up? And if it isn’t, that’s okay. It’s okay to change your mind.
Now assuming you are ready to try again, look at what you have learned. Make a different plan, and try again. Maybe you just need to extend the deadline on your goal. Maybe it’s actually going to take you longer than you first thought.
I find the phases of the moon to be a great guide in setting and achieving goals. On the New Moon we set those goals, make a plan and commit to taking action. On the First Quarter Moon, we look at how things are going and alter the plan as necessary. On the Full Moon, we celebrate the progress we have made and look at the obstacles we are facing. On the Third Quarter Moon, we reflect on where we were, where we are, and where we want to go. Then on the New Moon, we recommit to our goals and make new ones.
If you would like to find out more about working with the moon to set and achieve your goals then register for my free masterclass using the button below!!
